I sit here at nearly 3 in the morning and gaze around the living room full of sleeping girls. We had an epic and fun filled day and the last hold out just faded off into the land of dreams. I am exhausted but my mind refuses to shut down. I stare across the room at the face of my daughter who has just faded off to sleep, (lol of course she was the last hold out,) and I am amazed at how far the two of us have come. She is one of the great loves of my life and I can vividly remember that moment I held her in my arms for that first time, 13 years ago today. I knew that becoming a Mom would change my life forever but I didn’t realize how much being her Mom would come to change me as a parent, wife, and most importantly would shape me into a woman. Giving birth did not automatically make me a Mom, it made me the girl that produced her but being Jacque’s Mom is one of the lessons that helped make me a woman I am proud of.
I have to admit that, 13 years ago, just like I didn’t know how much she would shape my life, I also didn’t realize it would take me years, to understand how much she meant to me. When I say Jacque saved my life more than once, it is by no means an exaggeration. In 2004, the moment came when I started to realize how much she meant to me, and what lengths I would go to, to not only be the Mom I wanted to be for her, but also how hard I would fight to make all of them proud to call me Mom, wife, friend, sister, and more. Stepping on that scale the first time was one of the most terrifying moments of my existence to that point but she was a major motivating factor. When asked why I wanted to lose the weight I simply said that I wanted to be healthy for my little girl and be able to play with her on the floor.
Years have passed since that day back in 2004 when my love of others around me would drive me to lose the weight. These days I do this not only for love of others but love of myself. I do this for so very many reasons but she will always be one of my motivators. Today as I cruised through the streets of Coeur d’Alene dressed in a beautiful red dress, 325 lbs lighter and able to fit into a limo amazingly provided by my wonderful in-laws, it was yet again evident why I do this. That moment in time might have happened for Jacque on her 13th birthday but I might not have been there. I might not have been able to see her dressed up in a sparkling dress with her hair hanging down in ringlets and her eyes glittering in joy. I might not have seen her laughing with her friends and gazing out at the scenery with so much happiness, the same happiness she gives to everyone around her. It’s true that I might have been in her life still but I could have missed all of those moments if I hadn’t started down this path with her as one of my motivations.
I can’t imagine all the moments I might have missed out on over these years and am glad I hold no regrets these days for missing moments because of my weight. I am so very blessed to be here today, she saved my life in so many ways and I so thankful to be in those moments with her. Love you Lynners. I am beyond lucky to be your Mommy today and always. I look forward to watching you grow into the amazing woman I can see you are already becoming.
