Wow, I can’t believe it’s been so many months since I updated my blog, or filmed the Dr.Oz show. LOL and no I still don’t know the air date. Sorry everyone! I wish I knew the date, but we are still waiting to hear when it will be scheduled this season. I will post updates on that, and the next TV Experience post as I get the news. Although it’s been months since we filmed, it still is one of the most vivid moments in time for me. I can’t wait for all of you to see it, and for us to share our story with the rest of world. I can only hope that America sees the inspiration in this story, and what people are capable of when they let go of their mental blocks, and begin to Believe that they are capable of more then they realized. I know some of you are
screaming at me, for not believing that people will be inspired. I just want everyone to see that if I can do this, well then pretty much anyone can do it. I had so very much stacked against me and virtually no one believed it could be done by me. So yes if I can do it then so can you and so can they.
Today I began to think about where I have been headed in this journey. The truth is that I struggle just as much as all of you, and it’s likely that I struggle more than many of you. Despite the fact that I have lost over 300 lbs I still don’t have it all dialed in. I often see this perception from people that because I have lost so much I must be an expert on this topic. I don’t think there are many experts on Weight loss, because this is in fact a very personal experience. My body isn’t the same as anyone elses and neither is yours. We all have different life experiences, different baggage that we are trying to free ourselves of, and different motivations. All of our bodies react differently to various foods and activities. I might be able to bust out Zumba while others can’t do much more then swim in the pool. That same person might be able to eat brownies with no problem while I am guaranteed to gain 5 lbs from one of those morsels.
So yes I have struggled and continue to struggle because I’m not perfect, and I don’t have it dialed in. I’m not at my Weight Loss goal and it’s possible that I won’t be for months. During the triathalon training I struggled beyond belief to get my nutrition dialed in and despite all the training my weight changed rapidly. After the triathalon I continued to eat as though I was still training for hours a day. It didn’t take long for my weight to creep up, and for me to go back into territory on the scale that I swore I wouldn’t be at again. I’m not saying I put on a huge amount of weight, but I for sure didn’t and don’t want to see myself going in the opposite direction of my goals. Yes, I absolutely feel frustrated with the weight gain but I also feel motivated and happy. I could have walked away at any moment but walking away is no longer an option for me. I will never go back to 500 lbs or even 250 lbs. 
I’ve come too far and fought to long to do that. You might be thinking, ‘Heck if she’s lost 300 lbs, and struggles, then how can I do this?’ You can do it because struggle is part of this. This is a huge life style change, and you will struggle with some of those choices. I wanted the easy way out, way to many times, and that’s part of what led me to that number of the scale.
People often ask me what has made me successful through all of this, and I can tell you that there are many things that brought me to over 300 lbs lost. One of the big reasons for my success is that I just kept going. Kind of like the fish in Finding Nemo. I keep swimming toward my ultimate goal, knowing that I will indeed get there, if I just take it one day at a time. Yes, I will have gains and losses, as will you. I have had frustrated days, where I just wanted to throw in the towel, and my body is so sore, that I cursed weight training, and so will you. There will be days where that brownie looks amazing, and we don’t turn away. It’s ok to eat that brownie and it’s ok not too. The fact that we keep going through all of it says something about us. Sometimes those brownies will be worth it to you, and somedays you will feel like you are worth more then that brownie, because ultimately you are. Those sacrifices you will be begin to make, will fade away as the days and months pass. Those sacrifices won’t mean as much to you as the sacrifices you made by being bigger and unhealthy.
I know many things about myself through these gains and the months of plateauing. I am stronger then I ever believed. and being stuck this close to my goal is at times harder than being 500 lbs again. I do know that I already reached my ultimate goal of being healthy, and being able to play with my child on the ground. Health is now something that has become second nature to me. I make healthy choices every single day, many many times a day. I’m healthy, happy, and well rounded. These months have taught me what kind of person I want to be, and have helped me to find the balance in all of it, that I lacked for so 
very long. Now, I just have to continue to believe that all of this is amazing. Thats right everyone! I’ve lost over 300 lbs and I have struggled with self confidence on a near daily basis. The things I have said to myself in my own head are horrible, and are things that I wouldn’t say to another human being. I have let the scale and it’s lack of movement, become a driving force for way to long. I have let it define my journey, despite the fact that I’m pretty much a rockstar at this point. *G*
I may not have dropped any huge numbers on the scale, but through-out all of this, I have become so much stronger. Mentally I have started to believe I deserve this, and physically I’m feeling fierce and awesome. I have lost inches, and toned up in ways I didn’t know I could. This journey isn’t just about losing weight, it’s often about being able to see the small successes. Sometimes that success is 5 lbs ,and sometimes it’s another belt notch down, or benchpressing ten more pounds, or riding another mile on the bike. Many times it’s walking away from that brownie and believing you’re worth it. It’s choosing not to snack late at night when you really really want too, or any number of other non scale victories. I think that’s why I like the new program from Weight Watchers so much, and why it’s resonating strongly with me. Beyond the Scale which is the new Weight Watchers motto, is exactly where I want to be. I personally have wanted it to be about more than the scale, for a long time, and I’m finally starting to get there. I’m looking at everything around me, and starting to realize how amazing it is, and how amazing I am. 
For the first time, I am truly saying, that I am proud of myself and meaning it. Obviously, this has been a long time coming and wasn’t motivated by Weight Watchers new motto, but it helps that they are pushing all of us to see beyond that little piece of plastic, or metal with digital numbers flashing out at us. Our self worth is not determined by flashing numbers, or anything to do with our weight. It’s taken me too long to realize that, but no one ever said this was going to be easy. I encourage all of you to not only think about what you’re worth, but to examine your relationship with the scale, and how it might be negatively affecting you. For now, I have taken my scale away and had my husband hide it. I’m not weighing at the gym anymore, and I’m just trying to focus on loving where I’m at, and being happy with it. I hope you’re able to do the same. Butterfly up and Out!