LOL well in normal Jenny style I meant to post the countdown days ago, but got too active and involved in our life, and didn’t get around to it. What a crazy few weeks and really months it’s been. I finished out my role as Woodland PTA President, rocked out Girl Scouts, the 8th grade Cruise with my treasurer, and so much more. We finished out the weekend after school ended with an epic camping trip to Farragut for Jacub’s 8th birthday and Jacque’s 8th grade graduation. Our entire family went, and it was also a special moment to get together with Kristy’s surgery coming that next week. As many of you know, two days later, our life changed when my 26 year old SIL went into a surgery that was supposed to be routine, and came out not as good as she had gone in. The next day she went in for a 16 hour surgery to remove a catheter stuck in her brain, and came out with multiple strokes and a huge list of side effects. Seeing her the way she has been, has absolutely changed my perspective on life, and how I want to live it from this point forward. Watching my brother, and their two girls, ages 3 and 7, struggle to keep pushing forward without her presence, has also made me aware of the kind of
Mom I want to be going forward. It’s been a month full of surgeries, hospital visits, watching their children, and everything else we must handle on a daily basis in our own family. Tomorrow, will come one of the biggest and happiest moments for me, though kind of hard to compete with finally knowing my SIL was going to survive this. Nearly a year ago in August, I flew to NYC to film an episode for the Dr.Oz show, which features my weight 
loss story, as well as the story of two other amazing women. I currently have lost 305 lbs, after a 12 year journey which included so many ups and downs, and the joyful birth of our son Jacub. It’s been 12 years of blood, sweat, tears, joy, love, gains, loses, and so many emotions and experiences that it would be hard to describe them all. The most important thing I can say is that 305 lbs of loss has been beyond life changing. I feel like at 509.6 lbs I lived a half life, and was trapped within my own body. The show and everything that has happened over the last few years, is proof that I no longer live a half life within a body I can’t stand.
Since the show filmed it’s been a year of great lessons for me including the most recent ones. Today, as I think back over those lessons and experiences, I can’t help but feel, that I have emerged as a much stronger woman. Not only did I learn what kind of woman I wanted to be but I also learned the very definition of patience. When we recorded it in August, myself and the other two women, were under the impression that the show would air in September, just following the taping. We were the first show to tape of the entire season after all! We quickly learned that show biz works quite differently then we imagined. Going back to that day as we began taping, I cannot fully express how it felt to be standing on the stage ready to greet the studio audience. At 509 lbs standing in front of a large crowd like this wasn’t even an option. Daily life for me had become so difficult that it had taken a toll on not just myself but my entire family. There were so many mortifying moments where I had to wait for a waitress to find a table instead of a booth, which one of my family members would ask for. Seatbelts in cars didn’t fit, and I would often pull the seatbelt across me to make it look as though I had a seatbelt on, for anyone inside or outside the vehicle. When the gray packages with my large special order clothing came I would cringe inside. Although no one actually knew what was inside them, I was still beyond embrassed that I now had to order my clothing. That was simply the tip of the iceburg for the problems it caused. During the time we were getting ready to move to Coeur d’Alene I had literally become a hermit, a prisoner in my own home. It had become so exhausting and painful to leave my home, that I rarely left unless it was to do the grocery shopping. I only did this, because I could lean heavily on the cart, and support my weight while I walked slowly around the store, and honestly my husband would never had purchased the foods I bought. It’s also kind of hard to buy food to hide and consume in secret, if you aren’t the one buying the food. I wonder now, why despite the pain and embarrassment, I didn’t make the necessary changes until I joined Weight Watchers. I guess what it boils down to, is that I lived in a state of denial, and refused to really take in, all the very clear cut signs, of the very fact that I was killing myself everyday with my poor choices. I wanted to believe I was happy at 500 lbs but I personally was nowhere near happy at that size.
That day in July 2015, while standing on the Dr.Oz stage, I really tried my best to focus on why I was doing this, and not on the cameras or studio audience. I wanted to be on the show not only to share my story, but also to inspire. I wanted to motivate those people sitting on a couch, or a bed; who are morbidally obese to start making those changes. I hoped and still hope to help them realize that it can be done. Not only do I hope to help them, but for many years I have dreamed of inspiring people to overcome their health challenges no matter their size. To believe that anything can be done no matter what the problem is! Hearing my husband’s voice during the taping, as he talked about our own story, really drove home for me how far we have come, and how much this means to us. Coming out to do my reveal in front of the studio audience, was one of the most emotional moments I have ever experienced. To have come from this 500 lb woman, who felt beaten down, and hated herself, to being confident enough to stand in front of the entire world, declaring who I am, was beyond empowering and emotional. The entire experience was so surreal, that I still stand in awe of it today. Meeting Dr. Oz, was a huge high light of the entire trip, that man is amazing, and immediately put me at ease. The producers, staff, and everyone else was so sweet, and organized with everything they did, and truly made the experience special for myself. Meeting my fellow ladies on the show changed my life, I know we will always have a connection that not many truly understand.
The entire process of the taping was seamless, and so fast it all feels like a blur. In fact, it happened so quickly, that I filmed and was almost immediately put onto a plane to fly back to our home. I stepped into the welcome arms of my biggest supporters, my husband and children stood with signs and open arms. I wouldn’t be where I am today without my amazing support structure. Yes, I do think I could have done this without them, but emotionally I wouldn’t be who I am, without their unwavering declarations of we have your back. Tomorrow is another moment of liberation for me. Another piece of my cocoon has fallen away to reveal the wings of the butterfly within. Tomorrow 12 years and 3 days since the moment I stepped on a WW’s scale for the first time, I watch as the world shares in our story of love, independence, committment, perseverance, and belief. A post like this
cannot be written without thanking the love of my life. Jeremy you believed in me when many didn’t, on our first date, you saw not an impossiblity but a belief that I could lose the weight. You married me when my body was sick with cancer and you have been my rock through all of this, the medicine I needed. You have fought and continue to fight at my side against everything that comes against us with huge love and faith. You will always be my Warder! Jacque ahh my baby doll, you have been a constant through this journey, and at the start my biggest motivation. It was my desire to be a better Mom, to be able to play on the floor with you, and to just be the engaged Mom you deserve that got me so far down the road. You and I share a special connection that can never be broken. I will never forget the moments of tears we have shared as you finally put your arms around me for the first time and declared that you could, or when you stood at the top of Multnomah with me in the pouring rain as we cried for what we had accomplished together. Jacub you won’t really remember what it feels like to have a Mom who couldn’t play with you and hated herself, and honestly buddy that’s just fine by me, I love you Cub. I also have to thank my amazing WW’s leaders Michele, Connie, Elizabeth, and Kat. I wouldn’t be the same without you either, your belief and constant faith in me helped keep me going through many dark days. To my MIL Mary, you started this journey with me and it’s fitting that you have been with me through it all. You’re amazing and I never would have had the courage to walk in the doors of WW’s without you! My entire family deserves huge thanks, as you have always had my back. I wouldn’t be who I am without my Zumba, Tri, PTA, or Girl Scout families. I am so beyond thankful to the amazing support system that has embraced me in this community and outside. Lastly to my Dragonmount and Wheel of Time family. You all believed in me right from the start, and showed me that I was so much more then my size. You all knew how large I was and treated me no different, which in this world is a special thing. Love you all!! Butterfly up and out!
